Meet Arlington Heights Three Desperado Hens: Scarlett, Cantina & Bella Rose

Last seen in an undisclosed Arlington Heights backyard “bird house” (rehearsing their soon to be released hit single “The Backyards They Are-a-Changin’”) these three perfumed and daring “mademoiselle desperados” are currently participating in an underground backyard chicken pilot program engineered by Arlington Height’s own renegade author himself Matt Scallon. Vehemently hunted by short-sighted municipalities in five states, Scarlett, Cantina & Bella Rose are making their way from one Arlington Heights backyard coop hideaway to the next gaining along the way thousands of stolen “this is a stick-up!” signatures in an all out “pie in the face” petition campaign to reverse the Arlington’s Heights Board of Trustees 2012-2013 ban on the backyard chicken. 


Quietly stepping across state line pages of the author’s fabled masterpiece The Virgin Coop: a broken trilogy (now the recipient of its first FIVE STAR review on Amazon:  “Great Read.. Really fun for any ages..” the brazen triple hero act quickly put the Feds on the three girls tasseled tails where they’ve been playing the proverbial cat and mouse game with local and federal law enforcement ever since. The three “angels of the morning” are winged and in feisty form. After a recent signature stick-up at the annual Arlington Heights 4th of July Parade the masked girls quickly made off with clipboards totaling over three thousand signatures:

“What-choo lookin’ at!”, What-choo lookin’ at!”, “What-choo lookin’ at!”

Meet Scarlett:

The sweet talking (though never a “fowl-mouth”) Barred Plymouth Rock. Scarlett is a bombshell with a long, broad back, a moderately deep, full breast, and yellow skin with Queen Anne laced legs. Her sisters with her, all day-old chicks, came home to the author’s house in a comfortable (safe and perfectly legal) perforated, straw-lined cardboard box from the US Post Office (ha! ha! Melvin Purvis!). Scarlett is dark feathered with alert eyes. Sadly she bares the many stripes from the lash of misconceptions about her peculiar nature and place in the world of family pet ownership. Though her sisters at times will accuse her of “fanning her ebony feathers” Scarlett can be quite affectionate. Though she will deny it, loyal even as a dog. Cold Hardy, long lived, Scarlett is an excellent layer of delicious light to medium brown eggs, sometimes with a touch of pink (oft-feeling unusually lucky).

Meet Cantina:

Cantina is a Rhode Island Red and the state bird of Rhode Island. You might think this lofty status a reason for this show girl to strut her chassis high. Quite the opposite. Cantina’s reserved and quiet demeanor stems from a non- industrial strain that is listed as recovering by the American Livestock Breeds Conservatory (whatever that means). Cantina is rust-colored, has red-orange eyes, a reddish brown beak, yellow feet and (though often shy in showing them) long legs with a bit of reddish hue painted on her toes. Cantina sports a small, delicate tattoo of Rickie the Rooster on her right shank. On her left shank a tattoo of Tiffany the Canter. Cantina is an exceptional layer of brown eggs.

Meet Bella Rose:

Bella Rose, like her older sister Scarlett, is part of the Plymouth Rock family developed in New England in the middle of the 19th century. She is a white feathered bird with a gentle, calm demeanor (when not performing “the stick-up!”) and is a healthy layer of light brown eggs. Bella Rose is well suited for all types of climates. However, when in a pinch with a reluctant “bank teller” Bella Rose has been known to be the greatest of forgers. Just a side note on that.

These “Lady Birds” are “winged at the arms”, red combed, prodigiously wattled and extremely fascinating creatures. If you are approached by any one of these feathered friends stay calm (they only want to make love to you). Men watch your wallets! Women watch your purses! Children run in doors!

Scarlett, Cantina, and Bella Rose just stole your signatures!

Stolen waters are proverbially sweet.

I can hardly believe it.




The Virgin Coop: a broken trilogy. Now Available in paperback and Kindle format.


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